


Undeadly Serious Business

by Chechilia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Blood Drinking, Cemetery, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Halloween, M/M, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:07:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12525796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chechilia/pseuds/Chechilia
Summary: It's Halloween. Arthur wants to go for a hunt, Merlin doesn't, and Arthur wins.Of course, things don't go as smoothly as planned.





	Undeadly Serious Business

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely don't know what I've just written. Is it crack ? Angst ? Fluff ? A bit of all ? There's vampires and love and sex. I had the first sentence in mind and the rest just flowed, so I went with it, and since it's almost Halloween...At least I can say it was fun to write.
> 
> PS : Sorry for the puns.
> 
> Enjoy !
> 
> Additional warning : the whole vampire thing isn't taken too seriously, but some parts can be squeaky for some. There's several mentions of blood drinking and violence, some excessive swearing, and also, a feeding kink for vampires. I hope that's all, but don't hesitate to tell me if there's more I should add.

One stake right through the heart. If there ever was a peaceful way to die, Merlin reflected, that wasn't it.

" Dammit " he didn't have time to say.

His mind faded into nothingness.

***

_" Come on, Merlin, it'll be fun ! "_

_Arthur was pouting. Merlin hated it when Arthur was pouting : he was way to cute and adorable and convincing._

_" No " Merlin said, adamant. " We are not going hunting. Not tonight. "_

_" It's Halloween ! " Arthur protested. " The only night we don't have to hide. No one will think anything of us if they find us a little too pale, or if our teeth are a little too sharp, or even if there's a little blood on our clothes ! They'll think it's makeup. "_

_" Oh, but of course " Merlin replied with all the irony he could muster, " let's go out, after all, we're only two vampires, no one will think anything of it if the people we supposedly pretend to bite actually end up a little dead, drained of their blood ! "_

_" But Merlin ! " Arthur whined._

_Dammit, Merlin thought. Again with the lips. Those pink, full lips that would look amazing wrapped around..._

_" I know you want to " Arthur whispered, getting suddenly closer, his body deliciously cold against Merlin's. " Come one, I'll fuck you afterwards, nice and slow, just like you like it. Please ? No one will notice, I swear. "_

_Dammit !_

_" Okay " Merlin groaned, defeated. " Just...behave, will you ? "_

_As it turned out, people did notice._

***

In every single village, there always was an odd one left out. The bullied kid, the weird hippy, the idiot simpleton, the hated grandma. They all had one thing in common : they were usually the ones awake at night when everyone was asleep, as others rarely knew the truth about shapeshifters, werewolves, ghosts...

Or vampires.

If Merlin were conscious, he would have cursed. Loudly.

" Those damn hunters " he would have said. " Rotten bastards, filthy sons of witches. "

Except, Merlin was currently buried six feet underground, in a nicely nailed coffin, a piece of wood impaling him and a heavy cross above him. Stuck in that particular predicament, he didn't have the voice to insult the hunter that had killed him.

If he could have, however, he would have laughed at how pointless the whole situation was. The hunter hadn't done his homework : he hadn't found out that contrary to popular belief, it was possible to definitively kill a vampire. Neither the stake nor the cross or the fire would do anything except putting him to sleep. The only way to forever silence a vampire was beheading.

Merlin still had his head, so at least he had that going for him.

***

_" This one ? "_

_Arthur was pointing at a pretty girl in a faerie costume, her glittered blond hair winking at them under the streetlights. Merlin barely mumbled an answer : he was too busy checking their surroundings for any threats._

_" Merlin " Arthur sighed beside him. " It isn't fun if you don't put in some good will, you know ? "_

_They had dressed up for the occasion, white shirts and dark capes and fake blood everywhere, and the red tinge of their blue eyes could easily pass as colored lenses. They had even gotten an impressed compliment from a middle-aged mother in the subway, her child staring at them wide-eyed._

_Arthur had beamed, Merlin had grunted a " thank you " that sounded quite like something else, and Merlin hadn't managed to relax since._

_" Darliiing " Arthur mock-called, " please pay attention. "_

_" I'm keeping an eye out, that's all " Merlin replied tersely._

_Arthur heaved a long-suffering sigh._

_" You do realize " he started, " that in this scenario... "_

_He first gestured between them, then pointed out the street the faerie had disappeared into :_

_"...we are the threat ? I don't even know why you bother. It's not like someone's gonna show up out of nowhere and ruin our party. You act like someone's going to kill one of us. I won't let that happen. "_

_Merlin groaned, slapping his own forehead in annoyance._

_" Alright, alright " he capitulated. " Not the girl : she's too thin, too soft, she wouldn't sustain both of us. Besides, I'm sure her blood is too sugary for my tastes. You'd love it, of course, but I'd rather have something stronger. "_

_Arthur huffed but he was smiling :_

_" Something stronger, huh ? "_

_As it turned out, someone did kill one of them._

***

Merlin was dead.

Well, no. He wasn't really dead.

Well, yes, he was. If you asked him, anyway. Arthur and him often argued about that particular fact : for Merlin, vampires were like zombies.

Dead, but walking.

Their blood was frozen, their skin pale, their body cold. Their heart had stopped beating. They had crawled their way out of a fucking grave, for fuck's sake.

That's what Merlin would have said.

Arthur was a bit more poetic in his approach : they were both alive because they were talking, eating and fucking like the good couple they were. And they both still had a conscience - however biased by their current condition of bloody blood sucking vampires - and even feelings, so they couldn't be dead.

After all, they loved each other, Arthur would say. Their heart hadn't stopped beating, for they were beating for one another.

That was one of the rare occurrences Merlin would crack a smile.

Right now, however, Merlin was definitely more dead than alive. Or at least, in his day-to-day dead state, he was deader.

Asleep, that was the word. Merlin was asleep, so he couldn't complain about the lack of oxygen - which didn't really matter, since he wasn't breathing - the hardness of the wood on his fragile back - his back was anything but fragile - or the foul smell of the earth in that particular graveyard - even if his present nose couldn't pick up much more than the stench of blood or fear, and, in a totally inconsequential way, Arthur's scent.

He couldn't complain, that was for sure, but he also couldn't hear the repetitive sound of the shovel being planted into the ground, nor could he answer Arthur's pleas.

" Be alive. Please, be alive. "

***

_" This one. "_

_This time, Merlin was decisive. Once he had chosen to take part to the game, he had turned on his instincts - among other things, but now wasn't the time - and had started to look for the perfect prey._

_It was well known among vampires and the most knowledgeable of hunters that Merlin was the best trackers of the country. He could pick up a trail from miles away, the sweet promise of blood making his nostrils flare in triumph. At this game, surprisingly, he was even better than Arthur, who in appearance was the perfect hunted-turning-hunter thing - he had charmed, after all, his fair share of professional hunters by his good looks only._

_Hell, he had even managed to charm Merlin, so he definitively was good in the whole seduction thing._

_In a searing once over, Arthur approved his partner's choice : the man was tall, muscled, and distinctively well endowed. He looked strong, and the smell of his blood made Merlin's mouth water. His enhanced abilities picking up on Merlin's desire - fists clenched, lips parted, pupils blown - Arthur smirked and motioned for Merlin to go first._

_Taking a deep unnecessary breath, Merlin softly cracked his knuckles, put on his most seductive smile, and started walking. Confidence oozing from his every pore - he knew what he looked like - he stalked toward his prey, Arthur in tow._

_The both of them walking together - side by side, shoulders brushing despite Merlin's height - truly was a sight to behold. Even before their temporary death, they both had been beautiful in their own right. But now, with their features sharpened by their condition and the unnatural appeal they presented for their human preys, they were bloody fucking gorgeous._

_Or so Merlin would have said, smirking proudly at his pun, then laughing as Arthur would throw a pillow or an apple or a disembodied arm in his direction - whatever was nearest._

***

" Come on Merlin, don't you dare do this to me. "

Merlin wasn't dead, of course he wasn't - technicalities aside. He was asleep. He couldn't answer.

" I already died once and it was hella fucking painful. "

There was the sound of the shovel again, too forceful, and the strained words, too frantic.

" I don't want it to happen again, you hear me ? That fucking damned existence is nothing without you. "

There was the scratch of the piece of metal against a rock, a hoarse shout - desperation or frustration, Merlin wouldn't have known even if he'd heard it - and the shovel started moving again.

" I am nothing without you. "

Merlin didn't suddenly climb out of the grave - that was a one time thing - but if he'd been alive - well, more alive than he was as a vampire - his heart would have missed a beat.

***

_One tall and lean, the other an inch smaller but bulkier. Two pairs of blue eyes, one light like the sky in summer, the other dark like the ocean in a storm. Pale skin - alabaster for one, one-upon-a-time tanned for the other. Dark messy curls and soft, golden hair._

_Of course, the man didn't stand a chance : he instantly fell for the charms, natural or otherwise, of the two vampires. It was the way they hunted for almost three centuries. Often together, more rarely alone, if they had a fight - it happened quite regularly - or if one of them was feeling hungrier - it was usually Merlin, who, despite his thin frame, always seemed to be thirsty like three men._

_Depending on his mood, he could also drink three men, but that was another story._

_The man would do perfectly, Merlin reflected. He knew Arthur preferred them rock solid and always bit through the hard muscles - or hard anything, really - but he himself had a preference for soft skin - the neck, the curve of a breast, the inside of a thigh._

_The soon-to-be not so stranger would do fine for both._

_They approached him with their usual grace - well, usual for Arthur. Merlin happened to be rather clumsy, for a mythical being with supernatural strength and highly enhanced reflexes and physical capabilities._

_They approached him together, leaving him no escape, ensuring in the meantime that he wouldn't want to escape._

_And at this game, the pair of them was an arguably living legend._

_Their favorite play was to ask for a threesome. It had taken them some time, but they a finally admitted to each other that feeding was a bit of a turn on._

_For Merlin, it had been easy : his first words after having seen Arthur feed for the first time had been "_ You're too bloody hot for a bloodless vampire _". He had shaken his head disapprovingly, Arthur had stared at him, bemused, had thrown his head back, laughing, and then had let Merlin spread him on their made up bed - namely, a patch of grass - and pound into him until he'd scream in ecstasy._

_For Arthur, it had been a bit more complicated. It had taken two dead bodies, fifty-seven ruined shirts, and the accidental launch of a widespread vampire hunt to understand : nothing turned him on more than watching Merlin suck dry a victim or too - this time, no pun intended._

_They may be vampires, but they always had been faithful toward each other : it was sharing, or not at all._

_Which was exactly how they ended up in the darkness of a back alley, the strong man in sandwich between them, half naked. Truth was, they were indeed turned on, but by each other. They never actually had sex with any of the victims they chose - they seduced them, drank their blood, and that was all. It was only after that they would indulge in their mutual desires._

_But in those cases, more often then not, the third party ended up dead. They couldn't help it. And it happened that night too : Merlin got a bit carried away, as he so often did - Arthur found it endearing - and completely drained the other man, blood splashing his already stained clothing._

_Indulgent, Arthur smiled and wiped his mouth before leaning in to press a quick kiss on Merlin's bloodied lips._

_" Hang on, darling " he said. " I'm getting you another shirt. "_

_He knew very well how much Merlin hating having traces of food on his clothes. It made him feel dirty, and inadequate somehow._

_" Pick a silk one ! " Merlin shouted after him. " This one's scratchy ! "_

_Arthur hummed._

_" Love you, darling " he threw over his shoulder, with no other purpose than making Merlin blush._

_Merlin couldn't blush. But it was worth trying. As expected, it took Merlin a minute or two to recover from the words : in all his life, mortal and non mortal, he had never expected wanting to share all his instants with on single person._

_He had never expected to love, and yet there he was, five hundred years after his second birth, almost married - well, that was an idea - to another immortal being with no wishes whatsoever to change a thing about it._

_Of course, that was when the dead man's best friend chose to appear in the alley._

_Tall, handsome, roguish look and scruffy beard, Merlin would gladly have taken a bite out of him, but there were more pressing matters at hand._

_Firstly, the man was pale, but not dead. There was grief on his face, and that could never be good._

_Secondly, he had nothing of the idiot simpleton or the bullied kid, yet he had a stake in one hand and a cross in the other._

_Thirdly, the man was a bloody vampire hunter that had managed to take Merlin by surprise._

_By surprise ?_

_" You son of a witch " Merlin muttered._

_He felt the stake pierce his heart right before he could swear again._

_Dammit, he didn't say._

***

There was a relieved curse as the shovel finally hit the solid wood of the coffin Merlin had been buried dead in.

" Merlin ? Love, can you hear me ? "

Arthur suddenly hissed as his hand brushed the metal of the cross. The burn mark appeared in a second, and it's with a furious growl that Arthur used the shovel to throw the cross aside. Then, with his bare hands, he moved away the rest of the dirt and rotten leaves above the coffin. He used his own nails to pluck out the nails from the wood, and opened it wide, a strangled shout of pain leaving his mouth when he noticed the stake piercing his lover's chest.

" Merlin ! " he screamed, uncaring of anyone who could hear him.

Most would think as it a joke, he would later reflect. Who could possibly imagine that the cry belonged to a real dead vampire, fearing to have to mourn his partner of three hundred years ?

" Merlin " Arthur whispered, cupping Merlin's cheek with one hand while the other firmly gripped the stake.

He bent over and pressed his lips on Merlin's forehead.

" Please " he murmured.

As he straighten, he removed the stake in one smooth motion. There was a sickening thud, and then an awful, deafening silence that lasted too long.

Merlin gasped.

" You're alive " Arthur marveled. " Thank G..."

He caught himself at the last second, under Merlin's stunned but at least amused gaze. He didn't want to burn his tongue with the wrong name.

" Thank fuck you're alive. "

He had learned long ago that insults were the only words risk-free for a vampire to utter. There was a reason Merlin and him abused them at every occasion.

" Of course I am " Merlin snorted. " Why wouldn't I..."

He trailed off, taking in the situation : himself laying down in a coffin he didn't remember buying, Arthur straddling him, looking impossibly desperate and relieved at the same time, tears flowing down his cheeks...

" You're _crying_ " Merlin said dumbly, stunned beyond belief.

Vampires shouldn't even be able to cry. Arthur shrugged, his smile weak :

" Perhaps we're not as dead as you'd like to believe. "

Merlin raised a hand, mirroring Arthur's hold on his face, before his features suddenly twisted with remembrance :

" That bastard ! " he exclaimed, enraged. " I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna reduce him to a bloody pulp and feast on it. I'll cook him with a damned pumpkin for daring to ruin my evening. "

Arthur let out a strangled laugh and heaved himself on his feet :

" Come on, love " he said, weirdly emotional. " Let's get out of here. "

He climbed out of the grave and offered a hand to Merlin, who was right behind him. Once safely on solid, even ground, they both looked down at the coffin. In unison, they lifted their hand and threaded their fingers together.

" I love you so fucking much, you know that ? "

Arthur didn't reply but tightened his hold :

" What do you say, we take a vampire hunter for dessert ? "

Merlin hummed happily :

" I'm all in. No one puts me in a coffin and remains alive. "

" You do remember that you have a coffin at home, Merlin ? One that I bought myself and, if I dare say, put you in quite often ? "

" Of course " Merlin replied, unconcerned. " But you're already dead. It doesn't count. "

A smile was caressing his lips, and as they left the cemetery hand in hand, he could almost feel the warmth of Arthur's skin against his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! All comments are welcome :)


End file.
